so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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