I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
