so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
