I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
