it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
