come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
