I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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