He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
