yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
