What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
