The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
