he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
