WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
