Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
