I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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