he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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