I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
