Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
