How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize