I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
