it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize