we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize