im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize