i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
