You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
