All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
