I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
