DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
