I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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