i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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