dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
