Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize