spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
