paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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