I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
