Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
