someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
