sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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