And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
