I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
