I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
