There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
