Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
