The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
