I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
