were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
