i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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