if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
