STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
