Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
