Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
