right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
