Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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