He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
