Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
