Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize