For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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