if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize