im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
