look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
