1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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