ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
