The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
