I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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