apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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