I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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