I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
