he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
