ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
